When I first decided to participate in One Hundred Days to make me a Better Person and was trying to think about what to do for my hundred days I liked the idea of trying to write a proper joke everyday. I think Josie Long is doing something similar as part of hers. You see despite being a comedian (of sorts) I don’t really tell jokes. I reckon I’ve only got two that I’m willing to keep telling and one of them is just a device to lead me on to a longer piece of material. It’s not as if I don’t like them either. I think there’s a real art to making up short gags, it’s just I’m just no good at them. So it came as real surprise to me yesterday that quite out of the blue the following gag formed in my head. Here goes nothing:

I don’t play many computer games. Up until recently I thought a Wii controller was just another name for incontinence pants.

Now I’m not saying it’s a good joke, but it is definitely a joke nonetheless.

Also at work yesterday I faced a moral dilemma. There was a man in the shop wearing a black coat. When I turned around he had a huge dollop of bird shit on his back, and when I say huge I mean huge. His back looked liked Spider-Man in his black costume. It was as if an artist (who favours white) was using his coat as a palette. I instinctively felt the need to tell him, but also thought he’d find it mortifying if I told him a busy shop. I decided that I’d tell him as soon as he was the only customer in the shop, but that opportunity never came. He left just before the shop emptied out. I can only hope he got home and assumed it must have just happened, and not that it had been there since lunchtime.

Ah, tales of wee and poo. What an awful comic I must be…