The following is for the benefit of those of you who didn’t make it to last month’s James Bond themed show and so didn’t hear my extra special live rendition.

I can’t help but wonder that “in this ever changing world in which we live in” [that's a reference that is - Ed.] the quality of the James Bond songs have gone down drastically in the last few years. I’m thinking mainly here of Madonna’s Die Another Day song and that rubbish one that Chris Cornell did for Casino Royale. See I think there are only really two things you need to write a good James Bond song. The first one is that the name of the film has to also be the name of the song, or at the very least mentioned in the lyrics. Agreed. Secondly you need to have it go “bom bom bom be bom” at some point. Conversely I should also say at this point that just having the “bom bom bom be bom” bit on its own does not automatically make it a James Bond song otherwise the theme from Panorama could also technically be classified as a Bond theme, and as yet the Cubby Brocolli estate is yet to recognise Panorama as canon. I think it’s like Never Say Never Again. Don’t ask me why. So a couple of years ago once I’d heard the version of Casino Royale they went with, I decided that I’d write my own proper version of the song. Here are it’s astounding lyrics:

You better come rich
You better bring charm
Remember your wits
And don’t forget to come armed

Bring your guns
Bring your knife
It’s a high stakes game
So don’t bet with your life

At the Casino Royale
Casino Royale
Casino Royale
Casino Royale!

They mix his drink
Then somebody spikes it
He’s shaken not stirred
But that’s just how he likes it

At the Casino Royale
Casino Royale
Casino Royale
Casino Royale!

You better make your kill
You better place your bets
You better write your will
Because it’s Russian Roulette

At the Casino Royale.
Casino Royale
Casino Royale
Casino Royale!

I really can’t think why the producers didn’t go it.

This year Adam and Joe decided to make they’re own alternative themes for Quantum of Solace, and here they are for your collective pleasures:

Joe Cornish\'s Quantum of Solace video

Adam Buxton\'s Quantum of Solace song

Come along on Wednesday for more live Tombola of Fun action!